You ask your toddler to put on shoes. Nothing happens. You repeat yourself. Still nothing. You say it five more times. Zero response.
You feel invisible, ignored, and disrespected. Your patience runs out quickly.
You wonder if something is wrong with your child or with your parenting.
What Experts Know
Johns Hopkins pediatric psychologist Dr. Alyssa Fritz explains toddlers seek autonomy and independence. What looks like refusal is often normal cognitive development.
Children ages two to three follow one direction at a time. More than one request overwhelms their processing ability.
The key is setting them up for success: one command, clear expectations, and immediate praise for following through.
What Works Right Now
Give one instruction at a time. Say "Please put your shoes on." Wait. Let them complete it before asking anything else.
Get down to their eye level. Make sure you have their attention before speaking.
Provide transition warnings. Say "In five minutes we are leaving" then "In two minutes we are leaving." This helps them mentally prepare for changes.
Use if then statements for children over age two. Say "If you clean up toys now, you choose which book we read." Make sure you follow through every single time.
Give choices whenever possible. Say "Do you want the red shirt or blue shirt?" Perceived control increases cooperation.
Praise specifically when they listen. Say "Thank you for putting your shoes on. I appreciate when you listen." Focus on the behavior, not the child's character.
What Works for Real Parents
Reddit user u/VoteyDisciple shared their approach: don’t engage when the kid is screaming or ignoring you. Screaming gets total silence, but when they talk calmly, they get your full attention. This showed their toddler that calm voices actually work.
Another parent, u/ChandrikaMoon, takes “mommy time outs” when they’re frustrated. Stepping away to cool off shows their daughter how to handle emotions. It teaches kids how adults deal with frustration.
Prevention Strategy
Use visual timers for transitions. Children understand pictures better than abstract time concepts. Show them how much time remains before the next activity.
Stay consistent with consequences. If you say something will happen, follow through. Empty threats teach children to ignore you.
Notice your own listening habits. Do you stop what you are doing when your child speaks? Model the listening behavior you want to see.
Connect before you correct. Spend focused time with your child daily. Strong relationships create natural desire for cooperation.
Accept developmental reality. Toddlers test boundaries. This is their job. Your job is teaching them appropriate ways to express independence.
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Calm Toddler Hacks from Chilkibo Publishing, offering trusted strategies to help families find their calm.